Come on, siriusly?
by Nox3
Summary: our heros, the marauders plus Lily are back! Sirius gets his non liquified body back, Scruffy is captured, and a giant space chicked struts around in the unmentionables... o gosh, the horror! R&R peese!
1. Default Chapter

Sirius, Remus, James, Lily, and Peter were walking in a muggle town. (For no one quite knows the reason 'AH! That rhymed!')  
  
"Ooooo! Let's go in there!" screamed Sirius pointing to a Wal-Mart.  
  
"Come on Sirius!" James said grabbing the back of his friend's robes.  
  
"NO! I want to go! Please?"  
  
"Hmmm, let me think, NO."  
  
"I might get bored and we know what happens when I get bored." Said Sirius smirking.  
  
"FINE!" the others, yelled in defeat.  
  
"Yippeeeeeeee!" Sirius screeched running toward the store.  
  
"Maybe while we're there we can buy some duck tape and a chain saw." Remus muttered to James.  
  
"PLEASE!" James groaned.  
  
"We better catch him before something or someone gets hurt." Lily said running after Sirius.  
  
The four ran into the store and found Sirius staring at the hamster cages.  
  
"Padfoot, what are you doing?" Remus asked coming up behind him.  
  
"They're SO cute!" He cooed looking at the hamsters.  
  
"I don't think you should," Remus started but Sirius picked one up and hugged it tightly.  
  
"SIRIUS! PUT IT DOWN! YOU'RE KILLING IT!" screamed Lily. She grabbed the hamster and pulled it from his clutches. "HEY!" he yelled back.  
  
"Look what you did to the hamster!" she yelled louder waving the hamster in her fist in Sirius' face.  
  
"It's ok. It's only playing dead." He said matter- a- factly.  
  
"Sirius," Lily said forcing calm. "You killed the hamster. It's dead."  
  
"NO!" Sirius cried flinging his arms around Remus' neck and sobbing hysterically.  
  
"Get off!" Came Remus' muffled voice.  
  
"I think we should go." Said Peter (finally I get a line) motioning to the people who were starting to stare.  
  
"Good idea." James said freeing Remus and fleeing the scene.  
  
The hamsters being very mad about a death in their family prepared for war.  
  
"Ok you, Squeaky, turn off all the power and lights to the store. Binky, you follow THEM. Pinky you come with me." Ordered the leader hamster.  
  
The five found the toy isle and were having fun. (At least for Sirius.)  
  
"Um, Sirius? I don't think that goes there." Peter said cautiously. Sirius had found the Barbies and was... let's just say experimenting.  
  
"What is this?" Remus asked to Lily.  
  
"That would be play- dough."  
  
"Oh. Do you eat it?"  
  
"No it's like clay but," Lily grinned evilly. "I know someone who would take that as a deliquesce."  
  
"Who? OH! Hey Padfoot." Remus said catching on.  
  
"Huh?" Sirius grunted looking up from the decapitated Barbie.  
  
"We have something for you." Lily really loved doing this.  
  
"Aw you shouldn't have!" Padfoot yelled.  
  
"I don't think that," James started but Remus elbowed him hard in the ribs.  
  
"Here you go." Said Lily handing Sirius the play- dough.  
  
"What is it?" Padfoot asked staring at the play- dough.  
  
"Kind of like a, um, a doggie treat." Lily said.  
  
"YUM!" Sirius took the play- dough and started to eat it. "This is good."  
  
"You stupid prat!" James said laughing. "You don't eat it!"  
  
"Ithiktisgoo." Sirius mumble.  
  
"Padfoot, you didn't actually swallow that did you?" Remus questioned.  
  
"Yeah." Sirius stopped eating and stared at James. "What did they do to me this time?"  
  
"Oh, nothing life threatening." Lily said soothingly. "The label says non- toxic."  
  
"Thanks Lily. Do you have any muggle money?" said Sirius.  
  
"Why would you want it?"  
  
"This is good." He said smiling.  
  
"Gross. No I don't have any."  
  
"Awww."  
  
"Any way I wouldn't," Lily started but all of a sudden the lights flickered and went out.  
  
"Lumous." Remus, Lily, Sirius, James, and Peter said as one taking out their wands.  
  
"What the heck is that?" Sirius mumbled to James.  
  
"What? Uh oh."  
  
"Are those," Peter paused, "hamsters?"  
  
"Yeah." Lily said backing up.  
  
"There he is men! Attack!" said a small squeaky voice. The hamsters had found small army gear such as tanks, parachutes, and guns in the next isle.  
  
"Cool! Hamsters!" Padfoot called walking forward. "Ouch!" One of the hamsters had just fired the small gun at Sirius.  
  
"Oh I love this song!" Lily said to Remus. The song 'War' had just started playing. Lilly began dancing around in small circles, spinning faster than a jack rabbit on a hot skillet in the middle of June on a warm road near the border Dallas and- "AHEM!!!!!!" Shouted Sirius, Peter, James, Lily, and Remus.  
  
Oh, oops got carried away there for a second like a grandma on bingo night down at the old retirement home where-  
  
Sirius getting annoyed pulled the keyboard from the author's clutches and banged her over the head with it.  
  
OW!!!  
  
"Stop ranting and start writing!"  
  
Fine! Hmph! Moving on!  
  
"Lily I don't think this is the time nor the place."  
  
"Run!" James yelled. The five ran out of the isle and down to sporting goods. Sirius and James jumped on top of the shelves then helped the others up.  
  
"You shouldn't have hurt the hamster, Padfoot." Remus warned flicking a parachuting hamster off his head.  
  
"At least things can't get any worse." Sirius shivers then leans over the side of the shelf and gasps in horror.  
  
"What?" James asked leaning over also. "Don't tell me, I know. It got worse." Five three eyed, one legged, mutant, neon yellow space chickens had gathered around the bottom of the isle.  
  
"You just had to say it didn't you?" Lily snapped at Sirius.  
  
"Let's offer Padfoot as a sacrifice and maybe it will go away." Peter suggested.  
  
"Let's." The four smirked evilly at Sirius who started backing up.  
  
"Now guys lets be reasonable. It wasn't my fault the author had a crush on me, [not that I blame her who couldn't?] and listens to my every thought. She was the one who typed it! Offer her!" Sirius pleaded.  
  
Leave me out of this! Came a disembodied voice from above their heads.  
  
"Um.... Ms. Author Lady?" asked Remus in a sweet calm voice.  
  
Yes Moony? Said the voice again.  
  
"I simply can't get over how beautiful you ah... sound today."  
  
Aw, thank you.  
  
"So er... may we please ask a favor from you?" Sirius questioned standing up next to Remus. They glanced back at the three behind him who were currently battling the three chicken things at a weird wizard duel.  
  
Anything for you Sirius. Sirius smirked at Remus who rolled his eyes and went to help the others.  
  
"Well, I, I mean we were wondering if you would be so kind as to get rid of the chickens?"  
  
And you think you can handle the hamsters?  
  
"Sure. Piece of cake!"  
  
Okie- dokie. All of a sudden the chickens vanished and all that was left were several shocked muggles and some hamsters with army gear.  
  
"Thanks!"  
  
Anything else I can do?  
  
"Nope we're good for now." James said dragging Sirius off the shelf.  
  
After all had descended the shelves Lily rounded on Sirius.  
  
"Since when were you and the author so well aquatinted?" She yelled glaring at him.  
  
"She's just another one of my many fans."  
  
JUST ANOTHER FAN?!  
  
"Oh no." Muttered Remus covering his eyes with his hands.  
  
I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL!!!!!  
  
"Of course it was special...." Sirius said.  
  
LIAR!!!!!!  
  
"No I'm not!!!!"  
  
"For the love of Peter don't lie Sirius!!!!" Cried the others, praying these weren't their last moments as fictional book characters.  
  
Suddenly there was a cold wind that blew through the store. Spinning and whipping wild around the five, the wind began to form a giant spiral around Sirius. When the wind settled he was gone.  
  
"WHERE'S SIRIUS?!" Yelled James.  
  
Look up.  
  
And the others did there hanging from was-  
  
AH!!!!!!!!! A CLIFFY!!!!!! THEY STRIKE AGAIN!!!!!!!!!! 


	2. Chapy 2: Chapy 2 gee how original

Look up.  
  
And they did.  
  
There hanging from a chandelier (do not ask my what a chandelier is doing hanging on the ceiling, as I do not know. Work with me here people!) was Sirius. But it wasn't Sirius. This Sirius was covered and I mean covered in feathers. That seemed to be sticking to him by the power of syrup.  
  
"Mmmm maple." Sirius said licking his lips.  
  
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?!" Shrieked Lily, grabbing Sirius' foot and pulling him down from the ceiling. Sirius hit the floor with a soft thud but discovered he could not get up as he was sticking to it.  
  
Oh nothing he didn't deserve.  
  
"Well, he's still breathing that's a good thing." Said James.  
  
"Yes, peachy and all but you forgot about them." Lily pointed to the hamsters approaching them. "If they get a hold of us, i promise you this will not end all happy go lucky like."  
  
"Sirius, get up!" Remus said pulling on Sirius' arm. But no use, Padfoot was stuck.  
  
"HURRY!!!!!!!!!!" Whined Peter.  
  
"Anything I can do for y'all?" Asked a voice. They, who were able to, turned to see a janitor with a mop and bucket standing behind them.  
  
"Uh, yes you could do something uh..... Scruffy." James said glancing at the janitor's name- tag.  
  
"What then?" Said this said 'Scruffy'.  
  
"Could you mop our friend up please." Lily asked taking charge and stepping forth.  
  
"No problem little lady." (HEY!!!!!!! This reminds me of what I said a ways back. You know a jack rabbit on a skillet in Dallas? ::once again is attacked my the keyboard:: WHAT?! I Wasn't even ranting!)  
  
Scruffy stepped up and began mopping up poor Sirius. The strange thing is Sirius began to melt.  
  
"AH!!!!!!!! I'm melting, melting, melting!!!!!" Sirius yelped in a voice much similar to the Wicked Witch.  
  
"Cry baby!" Grunted Scruffy. When all was said and mopped the others were shocked.  
  
There in a small puddle on the floor was Sirius. (AAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!) He had somehow been reduced to this. (Cough, cough. Wasn't me! ::innocent smile::)  
  
"My face! My beautiful, beautiful face! No!" Cried Sirius in a liquid like voice. Before the others could even laugh, Scruffy mopped up Sirius and rang him out in the bucket. James peered down into the bucket to see a Sirius like reflection looking up at him.  
  
"Aw, poor Padfoot." Remus paused, "He's all washed up."  
  
"Shuddup." Gurgled Sirius.  
  
"Attack!!!!!!!!!" Shouted a leader hamster.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!" Lily, James, Remus, Peter, and Sirius shrieked. James grabbed the bucket from Scruffy and ran, soon followed by the others.  
  
"Don't spill me!!"  
  
"Cry baby." Grunted Scruffy again.  
  
The hamsters began swarming over the janitor. Feeling sorry for the poor Muggle, Lily ran back grabbed his hand and pulled Scruffy along.  
  
I'LL GET YOU MY PRETTY!!!! AND YOU LITTLE DEER TOO!!!!!!  
  
"Sirius, when we get back to Hogwarts, you are never allowed to date a psycho again!" James ordered.  
  
"Aw, but their always fun." Sirius bubbled. James 'accidentally' sloshed Sirius around in the bucket, till his face sank to the bottom. Slowly it resurfaced and said some not too nice words.  
  
Somehow, either by chance or the author's disturbed mind (HEY!) the five rounded the corner onto the (o you know it) lingerie department.  
  
(Cliffy cliffy cliffy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!) 


	3. Chapy 3: rapping squirrel don't ask

Somehow, either by chance or the author's disturbed mind (HEY!) the five rounded the corner onto the (o you know it) lingerie department. Lily dropped the janitor's hand and looked at the floor blushing a deep red at the... ahem interesting piece of cloth that barely existed in front of them.  
  
"Whoahoa!" Remus spluttered looking down at the ground.  
  
"Lemme see!" Sirius whined splashing around in the bucket trying to get a better look.  
  
"Lily that would look great on you." James said giving Lily a wolf like grin, before staring at her and getting a glazed over look in his eyes.  
  
"JAMES!" Lily shrieked smacking James in the arm and pushing the guys away from this section. James, during his fanaticizing, dropped the bucket containing Sirius. As Lily ushered them away from this errrr... interesting section Sirius was forgotten and left.  
  
*** Several minutes later ***  
  
"Um, guys?" Sirius asked into the air. "Its getting cold in here. So would you mind remembering me!"  
  
"Its getting cold in here! So put on all your-" Sang a blue hatted hamster who was dancing a jig, that was paced to very loud and fast music, which was sung by a rapping squirrel that was wearing a leather jacket, backwards hat-  
  
"SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!" Screamed Sirius, the dancing hamster, the rapping squirrel, James, Lily, Remus, Peter, Scruffy, several Muggles, and the digested Play- Dough.  
  
::whimper, whimper:: Sorry, just trying to lighten the situation. Anyway you should be nice to me, I have the power to erase and destroy all of your miserable little lives so HA!  
  
::gulp:: Gulped Sirius, the dancing hamster, the rapping squirrel, James, Lily, Remus, Peter, Scruffy, several Muggles, and the digested Play- Dough.  
  
MOVING ON!  
  
"That's not how it goes you dumb hamster!" Sirius scoffed.  
  
"Oh really?" Asked the hamster crossing its arms.  
  
"Yes it really goes........ well this is a PG rated story and I don't want to ruin the rating so never mind."  
  
"You don't know it!"  
  
"Yes I do!"  
  
"Nah ah!"  
  
"Yeah ha!"  
  
"Nah ah!"  
  
"Yeah ha!"  
  
~ Now we are off to find Remus, Peter, James, and Lily, oh and Scruffy. ~  
  
"So, what exactly are we doing?" Asked Peter.  
  
"Getting away from the hamsters" Lily paused and turned around. "which aren't chasing us?"  
  
"Has anyone noticed that it's eerily quiet?" Remus pondered aloud.  
  
"Yeah you're right.... SIRIUS!" Shrieked James looking around. "Where is he?! Aw, crap, Siri I left him!"  
  
"You idjut!" Lily snapped thwacking him on the back of the head.  
  
"Guys, I think I know where Sirius is....." Remus started. Lily gasped in horror, James grinned, Peter bawled like a baby (is he gay?)  
  
"NO!" Remus, James, Lily, Scruffy, and a very distraut Peter growled at the author.  
  
"No not there! Anywhere but there!" Lily said.  
  
"Yes there."  
  
"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooo (falls to knees) oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooo (takes a breath) oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo (takes another breath) ooooooooooooooooooooooo- " Lily was cut off when James, Remus, Peter, Scruffy, the author and a near by tennis ball yelled  
  
"SHUT UP!" For the rest of her life Lily was emotionally scared.  
  
"I was not!"  
  
Yes, but I'm the author, and you're a character. I got the power! Dun dun dun dun dun do do do do. I got the power!  
  
"Oh no, it's singing!" Scruffy wailed.  
  
IT?! IT?! Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me but I am a she!  
  
"Sorry, I couldn't tell."  
  
You will die!  
  
Suddenly out of nothing-hem dropped a huge iron. It slammed down of Scruffy and made a sizzling noise.  
  
"Youch." Winced Remus and James.  
  
"Hey! That's my job!" Cried a house elf. He ran over to the iron, pulled up an edge, then placed his hands underneath for some obscure reason.  
  
"Dobby?" Asked Remus, James, Lily, and Peter.  
  
"Wait how do we know him, who is from the future?" James questioned to the ceiling.  
  
I don't know but aren't Remus and Peter and James supposed to be going after Sirius right now?  
  
"Hey watta bout me?!" Lily said.  
  
I'm saving you from James' perverted thoughts honey. Don't think I can't read your mind!  
  
James' gasped and placed a hand over his mouth and shrunk under Lily's severe death glare.  
  
So Remus, James, and Peter set off to the 'Forbidden Section'. They were in stealth mode so they were looking around corners, rolling and doing somersaults on the ground, and being extremely loud.  
  
"Huh?" Said Remus and James.  
  
I dunno.  
  
Anyway, Remus, Peter, and James came to a resting point behind a shelf that was their only obstacle from seeing the 'Forbidden Section'. Three heads popped around the corner to survey the scene and all gasped in shock and terror. There before them was-----  
  
HAHAHAHA!!!!!!! You are at my mercy! ::grins:: sry it took me so long to update. 


	4. Erm, Imagine a giant space chicken in un...

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own the Marauders or Lily, they belong entirely to J.K.R. Anyway, if I did own them I wouldn't have let James or Sirius die. But the chickens and hamsters are mine! Muwhahahahahahaha! Oh yea, Scruffy too. ^_^  
  
Anyway, Remus, Peter, and James came to a resting point behind a shelf that was their only obstacle from seeing the 'Forbidden Section'. Three heads popped around the corner to survey the scene and all gasped in shock and terror. There before them was probably the most horrifying thing they could have ever imagined. And believe me, they had seen some pretty horrifying things. Like, Peter in spandex, and the time Remus caught James trying on a bra just to see if it really was all that and the bag of chips.  
  
"WAIT!" Shrieked Remus, James, and Peter staring up at the ceiling in shock.  
  
What?  
  
"How did you know about that?" Asked Remus.  
  
I'm an author I have connections. Duh.  
  
"What kind of connections?"  
  
You don't want to know.  
  
"EEEEEEW!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Get over it and get on with the story.  
  
Continuing, they stared in shock at what was before them. One of the giant space chickens that had somehow managed to survive was strutting around in the piece of lingerie that barely existed that James had liked so much. All the hamsters around it were wolf- whistling and shouting.  
  
"My eyes!" Screamed the bucket on the floor in terror. "IT BURNS!"  
  
"For once I have to agree with Sirius, this has to be the most horrible, frightening thing I've ever seen." Remus, well, agreed.  
  
"Come on, we've got to save him... somehow." James said starting forward. "Hey You! Why don't you scar for life, someone your own size!"  
  
"Yeah, you big, stupid, uh... er... chicken thing!" Peter retorted. Suddenly the chicken stopped strutting and stared at Peter. Hearts appeared above its head and in its eyes. It blinked its suddenly long eyelashes at him and made cooing noises. "Uh, guys?"  
  
"I don't think you should have insulted it Peter, maybe complimenting it will work better." Remus suggested picking up the bucket containing Sirius.  
  
"Alright then! You're a beautiful, lovely, erm, ravishing uh, whatever you are!" Peter yelled, the chicken giggled fondly. "REMUS!"  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Come to me my love!" Shrieked the chicken lunging at Peter.  
  
"AAAAAAH!!!!!!" Peter ran of in some direction, any direction to get away from the, chicken like thing.  
  
"Well at least he knows someone cares about him." Remus sighed then looked down. "Em, James?"  
  
"What?" James asked tearing his eyes away from the shelves of er, interesting clothing.  
  
"Hamsters!" Remus turned and with the bucket in hand ran back to where they had left Lily.  
  
"Uh, right then." James nodded to the hamsters and sprinted off too.  
  
"So, you're telling me, that right now, a giant love-struck space chicken is running around in um, unmentionables chasing Peter? Did I miss anything?" Lily asked raising an eyebrow. James and Remus had obviously just finished explaining to her what had just happened.  
  
"Yep, basically. Oh and," Before he finished, Remus dumped the bucket out on the floor and Sirius, in human form, appeared in sopping wet clothing.  
  
"YES! I'M BACK! WHOOO HOOO! I LOVE ME!" Sirius cheered hugging himself.  
  
"Eh, sure ya do Padfoot." James patted him on the shoulder. "Where's Scruffy?"  
  
And the three wait now four, looked to see the janitor being carried away by hamsters. (A/N: You know how, in the Tom and Jerry cartoons the ants carry the food away? Well imagine that with no food or ants but a Scruffy and some P.O'ed hamsters.)  
  
Sorry this took such a long time. More to come hopefully! I'd like to thank all u who review my stories! Thanx,  
  
Nox . 


End file.
